A Small Rant

I hope you will forgive me as I take a sidestep today to unburden myself of a saying that annoys me.
“Everything happens for a reason” is something we hear and see everywhere these days. It is so vague and amorphous that it’s meaningless, yet we apply to everything from love relationships to to upset stomachs.

What reason? And who is the arbiter of that reason? Are you really saying that murder, rape, and other sexual abuse “happens for a reason”? When babies are burned to death by terrorists, that happened for a reason? A terrible accident happens on a highway and people die. What’s the reason, and how does that help the ones who grieve such a loss?

Are we saying that one person’s tragedy happens so that some other person gains some kind of amorphous benefit?

It is just nonsense. It has a sort of fatalistic feel about it, like the person who fell down the steps and broke his leg and said, “Well, I’m glad that’s over with!”

People die in fires, floods, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and so on. We’re just supposed to figure, well, everything happens for a reason, and shrug. Babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. What could possibly be a positive reason for that? A young teen develops leukemia and dies at age 14. What reason are you going to share with the grieving parents to make them feel better? Oh, well, you know, everything happens for a reason.

But no one ever goes on to say what that reason is. And that’s because they don’t know.

I do know. Bad, unexpected, terrible things happen because Satan is active and busy about his goal of destroying whatever God loves. We live in a sin-cursed world that is in a downward spiral as we become more and more secular and humanistic in our thinking. We have a new Speaker in the House of Representatives, and he’s already being excoriated for daring to mention God and the Bible more than once in his acceptance speech. How DARE he! Oh, no, horror of horrors, we have a Bible banger in the Speaker’s seat instead of someone who is full of hatred against Christians, Jews, and anyone else who doesn’t march in lockstep with the Left.

I wonder if those who are already standing against Mike Johnson believe that he got elected “for a reason.”

This ridiculous saying goes along with others I deplore: “Me time,” follow your own truth,” “you have to learn to forgive yourself,” “you can’t love others until you love yourself”–these are just a few of the platitudes that get spouted all over the place these days. Wait–you mean I don’t have to love myself in order to love others? The Bible says we are to love others IN THE SAME WAY that we love ourselves. The assumption Jesus made when He said that is that self-love is a given. It’s not something we have to learn.

When I was counseling, I would often get a client who claimed low self-esteem. What I learned, over time, is that what he really meant was that others didn’t esteem him as highly as he thought they should. Chew on that thought for a bit.

I want to say a few words about self-forgiveness. First, it is never mentioned in the Bible. What is overlooked in that saying is that forgiveness needs to come from whoever you offended; ultimately, it comes from God. When we say, “I’ve asked God to forgive me, but I just can’t forgive myself,” what we really mean is that God’s forgiveness is not enough. It is insufficient. What we really need to do is to appropriate the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that God offers in I John 1:9, which never mentions forgiving ourselves. His grace is sufficient. Accept it. Be thankful for it. And don’t repeat whatever you just begged Him to forgive. “But I still feel so terrible about what I said/did! I need to forgive myself.” No. You don’t. You need to humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and accept the complete forgiveness He offers to anyone who confesses and repents of sin. You need to apologize to the person or people you have hurt. And then you act out repentance, which means to turn around and walk in the other direction.

There are things in my life, even from many years ago, that still make me cringe inwardly because of what I said or did. I don’t forgive myself when these memories rise up. I go to God and thank Him that He has already forgiven me, and I ask Him to take the memories and replace them with scripture.

II Timothy 1:7 says, “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” THAT is what we need to claim when our past sin rises up to grieve us. That does not come from God. It comes from Satan, who wants to keep us locked in regret, remorse, and shame.

Don’t fall for the humanistic thinking of today. It will lead you to places you ought not to go. Instead, get into God’s Word and learn that He, and He alone, has the answers.

A Deviation

Today I’m teaching a women’s Bible study at our church, and then a history class in the homeschool co-op our church hosts. So I don’t have time to continue with what I’m studying for this blog, but I’ll be back on track tomorrow.

You’ve probably all figured out that I’m a political conservative. I make no apology for that. There are a couple of things that concern me, though. One concerns Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I did not agree with her politics. It amazes me that a Jewish woman could endorse abortion, for instance. But I don’t bash her for her views, nor her work ethic. I’ve heard a few folks suggest they wouldn’t want to trade places with her right now, and that, to me, is offensive. We are not in the business of judging anyone else’s standing with God. Also, I have to tip my hat to her for being totally devoted to her passion–the law–and for breaking some barriers for women that needed to be broken. As far as I know, she has never been accused of duplicity. In today’s political world, that’s really pretty unusual.

Another area of concern is that so many people don’t seem to understand the process. It is President Trump’s duty and responsibility to fill the vacancy ASAP. With only eight justices, there is no longer a tie-breaker. Nothing much will be accomplished as long as that situation remains. Constitutionally, Mr. Trump doesn’t have to wait for any length of time, and has in fact said he would announce either yesterday or today, after Ginsburg’s memorials were over, who he has chosen.

After that it’s up to the Senate. Ms. Pelosi, for whom I have less respect as each day passes, has threatened to impeach him in order to delay the process. She has already spent millions of dollars and countless man hours in her first futile effort to remove him. SHE should be impeached if she tries it again. She wants to impeach him for doing his job.

Third area of concern is Kamala Harris, who has slipped up and told us to prepare for a Harris administration (oh, yeah–with Joe Biden). This is a woman who does not make any attempt to hide her scorn for our country, and who has been endorsed by George Soros. That fact alone should make us shiver in our shoes.

AOC has said this is not just an election–it’s a movement. She’s right. It’s not a movement I endorse. Look at the history of every country that has succumbed to Communist rule and you will see a sad story of violence, civil insurrection, murder, and financial destruction. Venezuela is the most recent example.

All right, I’m done. This is, I believe the ONLY time I’ve ever used this blog in such a manner. I may never do so again. And a word of warning: You have every right to disagree, but you also have the responsibility to be civil. This is MY blog, and I will not post any filth, disgusting language, or otherwise inappropriate comments. I am appalled that the only adjective so many people seem to know these days is the F-bomb. You won’t be allowed to use it here, nor will you profane the Name of Jesus Christ. So if that’s what you intend, don’t waste your time. I won’t post it.

We need to pray. Most of you who read this blog are born-again believers. Please join me in praying God’s protection on our country, our President, our way of living, our adherence to the Constitution, and law and order.

A Day of Rest

I’m so interested in what we’re studying in the book of John right now that I hesitate to leave it even for a day, never mind two! But I’ve had a rough couple of days, physically, and my body is aching and weary. I think I’m going back to bed in a little while, and that’s probably where I’ll spend most of my day.

Getting older comes with a whole host of physical challenges that I never even thought about before.

I hope you, also, are enjoying this study in John. I’ve read the book many times, but never to teach it on a verse-by-verse scale. It’s a huge blessing to me. Every word that Jesus speaks is purposeful and profound.

This is a challenge: Every word! So many of the words we speak are anything BUT purposeful and profound.

Now I realize that God does not expect us to go around with folded hands and long, sad faces. There is nothing wrong with laughter. After all, a merry heart does good like a medicine ( Prov. 17:22). We just need to make sure the things we’re laughing at are not inappropriate, and not hurtful to others.

“Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:6). This is certainly a challenge for me. I have a very fast mouth. That’s nothing to be proud of. When one has a fast mouth, things come pouring out that really ought not, need not, be said at all. Has it improved over time? Yes, I think so. I hope so. I’ll be so glad when I get to heaven and God gives me a new body, including a sanctified mind and mouth!

Well, this has turned into a ramble that I wasn’t planning to write–but that’s okay. Sometimes I just have to start typing, and let God take over.

Walmart Whine

Well, it’s really not so much about Walmart, except that they’re in yet ANOTHER reorganization of their stock. Just about the time I get it all memorized, they go and change it again. I wonder why they put the candy in the same aisle as the soup.

It’s more about some of the customers there who use those electronic carts, as I do.

Convenient, easy to use.

So what’s the problem?

The people who use them but have no thought for anyone else who needs the carts.

Leaving them in the parking lot. Leaving them blocking the lobby. Not plugging them in, so they’re unusable until they’re recharged. Using them as a comfy place to take a smoke break when there are no more left for people who need them.

When I entered the store today, there were three carts available. Only one was plugged in. The other two were left sitting right where the occupant left them, blocking the entrance and blocking access to the only usable cart. Also, people had left other, regular carts helter-skelter, blocking access to the electric ones as well.

In order to get to the one that was plugged in, I had to go find a guy who could move the other two and help me clear the regular carts out of the way.

Granted, it’s not an earthshaking, life-changing disaster. On the Richter Scale, it would be negligible. A tempest in a teapot. And it will not ruin my life. Not even my day.

It does puzzle me, though, that the people who need these carts, who rely on them, can be so careless and haphazard about parking them properly and plugging them in for the next person.

Ranks right up there with the putz who grabs the last seat on the bus and leaves a frail little old lady standing in the aisle; or the person who reaches across you and takes both of the last two cartons of milk that you were clearly interested in. Or a kid I remember in one of my classes who pushed a girl aside so he could get to the head of the line. He told me that boys always come ahead of girls.

He knows better now.

These folks would get a big “Needs Improvement” on their kindergarten report cards in the categories “Is Considerate and Polite” and “Plays well with others.”

Be Men of God!

I hope you will forgive me for a departure from my routine this morning. I just saw a post on Facebook that stirred up all sorts of reactions in me. I have decided to share that post here, and then my own reaction to it.

I’m sure many of you have seen it. I’ve seen it at least twice. Here it is:

Let me clarify that Cary Grant, the very famous actor you see in the topcoat, was no paragon of virtue. While he was a renowned actor, he also was far from the kind of man I’d want to spend my life with. It’s the appearance we’re looking at here, not the character.

The man on the right may be a perfectly kind, thoughtful kind of guy. But he looks like he’s not sure whether he’s a man or a woman.

The National Organization of Women, founded in 1966 by Betty Friedan, started out with the goal of improving the status of women. It wasn’t long, however, before it became radicalized and was preaching that “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” (Gloria Steinem). The message was clear: Women don’t need men. Men need to be in touch with their feminine side and be more like women. The world would be better off with feminized men. There would be less violence, more reasonable talking.

So take a look at the world today and tell me, how’s that working for us?

Here is what I wrote on that meme:

“The goal was to empower women and emasculate men. This— – person—–even walks/stands more like a woman than some women do.

I’m a strong person. I have my own mind, brain, opinions, goals, beliefs. No one pushes me around or does my thinking for me. And Terry loves that. But believe me when I tell you that for every bit of strength and independence I have, he has more. He’s a MAN who would never consider wearing tight shorts and standing with his chest all caved in, and wearing a man-bun. He can still put his foot down, which he did in insisting I retire sooner than I had planned. I love it when he does that, because it proves his love for me and his concern and care. It is not demeaning. Instead, I have the place of privilege and protection under his arm. A real man does that for the woman he loves, and if she has any brains at all she’ll respond with gratitude, grace, and boatloads of love and respect.

Pardon the rant. I’ve seen this picture twice now, and it just makes me feel sick. What we have done to men in this country is unconscionable. We’ve robbed them of everything that made them the kinds of men we can respect and whose leadership we WANT to follow. I’m thankful that my sons and my son-in-law are manly men, and the boys they are raising are following that pattern. They lead their families, provide and protect and love. That’s what real men do. Rise up, oh men of God! Have done with lesser things!”

Late Saturday Morning

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating.  I don’t mind if you want to disagree with me. Just keep it civil. No name-calling, no swearing, no obscenity, and watch the sarcasm.  I have the privilege of refusing to publish your response, so if you want to get all snarky and mean, go write your own blog. Don’t try to highjack mine.

It’s nearly 11 a.am.  I’ve been up since 8 a.m. but haven’t gotten much accomplished.

My computer printer has taken a break from active duty.  I’ve been tinkering with it, trying to figure out what’s wrong, but so far have come up with nothing I can fix.  Isn’t it amazing how the time flies when you’re involved in that type of situation?  Most of the time, my electronics work very well.  Maybe my printer needs to be retired to the Big Printer Place for eternity.  I’ve had it for over 15 years.  That’s a long time for a printer, and one of these days I’m concerned I won’t be able to find ink cartridges for it.

Anyway.  I didn’t post yesterday because I had some prep to do for the class I teach every other Friday on the Constitution and Current Events.  Yesterday, I explained the Electoral College to my kids.  They had a ton of questions.  It’s really a good compromise between the heavily populated states and the not-so populated ones, similar to the compromise that created our bicameral legislature:  The House of Representatives and the Senate.  The House is decided by the population of each state.  In the Senate, each state gets two seats, no matter its population.

The purpose of all that was to keep the populous states from ALWAYS winning, leaving the less populous states with nowhere to turn when they were disregarded.

If you look at a map of the 2016 electoral vote, you will see that most East Coast and West Coast states went Democratic. (Correction:  about half the East Coast states went Blue.  It was unexpected for NC, SC, GA, and FL to go Red) That’s because their population is mostly urban, and the politicians tend to regard center America, which is less populated, as “fly-over country” that you have to endure to get to the other coast.

One notable exception in 2016 was my state, Pennsylvania.  What a shock when they went Red instead of their usual Blue!   Typically, the eastern edge goes Democrat as well as the western edge; often, though, the center of the state goes Red.  I still don’t know what happened, because in order to get Republican electoral votes, the state needs to vote for the Red candidate. Maybe we little fly-over folks are just tired of the politicians dictating what we’re supposed to think.  I hope so.

Anyway, it’s an interesting topic.  If you don’t understand the Electoral system, you can google it for a lot of good information as well as criticism.  Not surprisingly, the Blue side wants to  eliminate the Electoral system.  That way, they would almost certainly win every election  on the popular vote alone. You should educate yourselves on the topic before you decide to vote pro or con on eliminating it.  It has worked quite well for over 200 years.

One of my students asked, yesterday, why the population centers, i.e. cities, tend to go Democratic.  To get the answer for that, you only need to look at the demographics of major cities according to, for instance, income. There is more unemployment in large cities; therefore more need for things like food stamps and other government -supported programs.  Democratic legislators believe we need to do MORE than we presently are doing for the poor.  They want us to be dependent on government not just for protection from foreign invasion, but for food, housing, and healthcare. Why?  More government =more control by the government, less power to the governed. More government programs means more taxes because of more government spending.  The more they tax us, the more they own us.

The Democrats expected their longed – for Blue Wave, but they didn’t get it.  It was more like a Blue Trickle.  Yes, they took the House back.  That was expected.   Depending on how the states go who are STILL counting two weeks after the election, they might re-take the Senate as well.  But, to quote our previous President,  Trump still has a pen and he still has a phone. The gains they made in the House were not as large as they expected.  And, believe it or not, there are a few Democrats who want to put Miss Pelosi out to pasture.  We’ll see.  She has a lot of power.

Well, my word. I didn’t intend on a rant this morning. And now I really have to get a couple of things done.

P.S.  I just walked into the dining room and found Terry has my printer all taken apart on the dining room table.  Well, if the problem is mechanical, he can probably fix it 🙂

 

PSS:  It is now 1:45 p.m.  Terry cleaned up the insides of my printer, found a hardened glob of ink and took care of that.  In the meantime, I looked in my Control Panel, and found that he tried six more times  to print a document.  So seven documents were in the queue, and none of them, of course, were printing. So I checked with him, deleted all those documents, rebooted my computer, and everything is working just fine.  What a relief.

Bad Start Today

This is completely personal and has nothing to do with much of anything, except that sometimes writing is cathartic for me; also, I wanted you to know why my normal post, which should have been Isaiah 53:10, will not appear today.

I had a very bad night.  I don’t know why this seems to happen when I have an unexpected and much-anticipated day off, but there it is.  I didn’t get to sleep  until sometime after three a.m., and was awake–against my will–shortly after 8 a.m.  The lack of normal sleep set me up to be a cranky hot mess.

We’re down to only one bathroom right now because Terry is renovating.  So when I got up and saw that he was cleaning the only bathroom, my mood got worse while I waited. Isn’t that ridiculous?  I’m very spoiled, used to having my own bathroom.  Good grief. When our kids were still home, we managed SIX people with only one bathroom!

Then I decided to work on a HUGE computer mess because of a program I installed for Terry that is massive and is blocking other applications. The more I investigated possible fixes, the more frustrated I grew.  Felt like throwing things, to be perfectly honest.

And then I pulled my Bible over to work on today’s post, and I sat there feeling utterly defeated.  I couldn’t write it.  I was upset, short of sleep, short-tempered, and knowing that I’m still going to have to tackle the computer issue.  I got up and walked away, made coffee, fixed my breakfast, and played a round of Angry Birds while I ate.

Go ahead and laugh.  It made me feel better as I blasted those stupid pigs to kingdom come.

Maybe my sour mood is compounded by a couple of sessions in my counseling office yesterday.  I’m afraid I haven’t done a very good job of leaving them at the office.  Frankly, I’d like to go do an Angry Birds-type search- and- destroy on a couple of people who don’t deserve to walk free. They belong in jail. For a VERY long time.

And then I looked at an article about the invasion from south of our borders, and fueled my anger all over again.  I need to stay away from that stuff today.  It is so clearly being orchestrated and financed by someone other than the “immigrants” (read “invaders”) and timed to coincide with the Nov. 6 elections, that my blood pressure rises just thinking about it. And no, I’m not a racist or a xenophobe or any of the other popular names the Left likes to call people like me.  I’m just wondering what Mexico or Nicaragua would do with 14,000 AMERICAN “immigrants” descending on their countries, expecting shelter, food, jobs, etc.   Please.

Okay.  So you can see that I’m not in any condition to settle down with God’s Word.  I need to get my own self back under the control of God’s Word before I can honestly handle teaching it to anyone else.

So, do I feel any better, having poured all this out onto you?

Actually, yes, a little.  At least my stomach muscles aren’t  all tensed up any more. And I WILL return to my usual  sensible state of mind.  I think I just need to do some serious repenting and praying. Anger is a terrible thing.

 

Go To Work!

I just had a session with someone a little younger than I, who shares the same work ethic most people of our generation do.  She works very hard.  She fills in when people much younger than she is don’t show up because they “need some Me Time.”  She’s a department manager, expected to make sure everything runs smoothly, but she’s short-staffed and overworked because there aren’t enough employees; or they aren’t properly trained; or they just don’t feel like working, but they certainly show up on payday expecting a full paycheck.

And they don’t seem to suffer any guilt whatsoever when they leave their coworkers and managers spinning in the wind.

On the other end of this mess is the upper management that sets high expectations but don’t give her the staff she needs to meet those requirements.

She’s physically exhausted.  She’s sick with a “cold” that has now lasted for over six weeks. I think she’s headed for a breakdown, and I’m wondering if she’ll lose her job when it happens.  The emphasis seems to be totally focused on results, not on the people who are hired to create those results.

So why doesn’t she quit?  Get a better job?  Lots of factors there. One is her age. She knows she won’t be paid as well if she makes a lateral move to another store, and she is on her own. There is no golden parachute.

She’s told me stories.  Oh my,  Things that, if they had happened when I was first in the work force, would have been immediate cause for dismissal. A couple of 20-year-old guys who take half- hour breaks and two- hour lunches, and when they’re confronted they shrug and say they lost track of time. And no action is taken to discipline them. No one wants to start the process of getting them fired because it’s really, really hard to fire people these days. You could end up in court, paying them huge unemployment salaries for the next six months to a year.   Wouldn’t have happened  in 1965, when I started working.

They seem to set their own hours and availabilities, too. They work when they  can schedule it in to their day.  They call out on the flimsiest pretexts.  “I’m just really tired, Man,” (Translate:  “I’m drugged to the eyeballs, or I have a hangover.  But it’s your problem, not mine.”)

Yes, yes.  I know that there are lots of good young people out there who are willing to work, who even WANT to work.  They have parents who taught them the value of work, of making their own way, of having a good work ethic and a reputation for being dependable. I know some of them. They’re great.  I wish there were more of them.

I’m just worried about my client.

 

It’s Not Helpful!

I’ve been having a rather lengthy  Facebook conversation with some former students of mine, including one of my sons.  I guess it’s not surprising that it has taken  the form of a blog post in my head, so here it is.

Believers, Christians, often experience awful, horrible, heartbreaking events. Babies die, husbands or wives leave, life-threatening illnesses occur,  violent crime takes away our feelings of safety, value, and belief in God Himself. Severe persecution in some parts of the world  threatens believers every single day, and there is no escape from it.

These hurting people often cry out, “Why?  Why are these things happening?  Where is God?  Why is He allowing this?”  Some will get answers from well-meaning people, but those answers only serve to increase their sense of helplessness and abandonment.

One of those answers, which has become ubiquitous  lately, is,”Well, everything happens for a reason.”  And that is supposed to heal the wounds, soothe the heartache, and remove the grief.

It’s a vague, formless answer that carries very little power to help. In fact, it can create even more hurt because the suffering ones can’t find that elusive reason, and they just don’t understand. It has a sort of  New Age kharmic feel about it, because it is non-specific and indicates a vague faith in. . . . well, I’m really not sure. No person, no god, no ultimate arbiter of life events is mentioned.  Just that somewhere out there sits something or someone who orchestrates terrible events in our lives for some non-specified reason.

It makes no sense to me.

So, why DO bad things happen?

For me, the answer is both simple and complex.  My worldview is biblical.  I believe that God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. He is holy, just, and sovereign; He is loving, merciful, and gracious. He cannot look on evil, so He provided the only possible perfect sacrifice to cleanse sin in the Person of His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus was conceived of the Holy Spirit of God, born of a pure, virgin girl who was in the line of King David.  Jesus was the One Whose blood could cleanse sin, and Whose resurrection could provide victory over sin and death. You can read all about Him in the four gospels:  Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

Why did God do all that?  So that we could find salvation and spend eternity with Him, because He loves us.  All of us.

Why doesn’t He, then, protect us from terrible events?

Because it’s not His job to do so. He never said He would.  What He did promise is that He would walk through the valley of the shadow of death with us (Psalm 23).  He promised never to leave us or forsake us (Heb, 13:5). He promised to be with us to the ends of the earth (Matt. 28:20).He never promised to prevent harm; He did promise to help us endure it.

Bad things happen because we live in a sinful, fallen world (Genesis 1-3). Satan is real. Evil is real. Jesus said that the rain will fall on the just and the unjust ( Matt: 5:45).

To accuse God of bringing evil into our lives is to believe the exact opposite of His true character. To demand that God should have prevented whatever happened is to demand that He conform to our wishes.

The Apostle Paul suffered greatly for his faith. Near the end of his life, knowing he was facing a painful and horrifying death, he said, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).  He did not complain about all the beatings, the stoning, the shipwreck, the snakebite, the imprisonment.  He accepted it as the price for his preaching the gospel wherever God sent him, and he rejoiced always because he knew God was always with him (Phil 4:4-5).

I know this is longer than my normal posts.  Just one more thing, and I’m done.

Instead of asking “Why,” we would do much better to ask for the what and the how. 

What can I learn from what has happened?  How can I begin to heal, or if necessary, to forgive, and move on from here? How can I use this to learn and grow, and to help someone else who is hurting?  How can I be a channel of blessing, showing the love of God to those around me in spite of the trouble that has beset me?

After all, no one suffered more unjustly than Jesus did.  He was the perfect Man, Who never sinned. Yet God allowed Him “to become sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him” (II Cor. 5:21).

Please don’t accuse and blame God for the work of Satan.  Put the blame squarely where it belongs.  Satan’s whole purpose is to destroy all that God loves.  Evil does exist, and it finds all of us to one degree or another.  No one is immune.  God’s job is NOT to prevent all believers from ever suffering harm and evil. It is not His fault that we suffer.

“Everything happens for a reason”  is not helpful. It just makes the sufferer feel more confused, and removes permission for that person to grieve. Instead of saying that, tell the person how sorry your are for his pain, and find some way to be helpful, to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

 

Ponderings

I don’t know if it’s learned or just born-into-the-brain behavior. I only know it causes BIG problems in a marriage.

There are men who seem to believe that their contribution is to earn a paycheck, and that’s it.  They’ve put in their eight hours, they provide financially, and nothing more is required.

That, of course leaves EVERYTHING else up to the long-suffering wife and their children, as they grow older, and can help shoulder some of Mom’s burden.

These men truly seem to believe that all their wives do all day is–well–not much. A little cooking, a little cleaning.  Not much else, even though the men do nothing at all about maintenance of the house and property. If they enjoy doing so, they may engage in some yard work, sitting on a riding mower until the grass is cut. That’s how they “help.”  If the kids need to be driven to games, lessons, etc., that’s Mom’s job. Grocery shopping, Mom’s job. After all, what does she do all day but sit around watching the soaps?

One would think, in these days of women working outside the home just as much as men do, that this  type of behavior would be a thing of the past. Sadly, it’s not. Do the men learn it from their fathers?  Or is there a male gene that convinces them they have no business doing “women’s work”?

I am blessed to have married a man who never hesitated to change a diaper, soiled or just wet.  Never hesitated to mop up vomit  or snot, just figuring it needed doing and he was right there. He told me years ago, as he was cleaning up a wiggly child, that he actually enjoyed knowing he was making the baby comfortable and keeping diaper rash away.

Believe me, his willingness to lend a hand in no way diminished his masculinity, and I respected him all the more for seeing that I was nearing the end of my patience.  He was not a man who came home, expected to be treated like a conquering hero, and sat down for the entire evening while I cooked, cleaned up, got the kids to bed. He was a part of the process, unless he was unusually tired from the work he did.  When that was the case, I understood and expected nothing.

Maybe that’s part of the problem, though, for women whose husbands give nothing but their paychecks. Those women have learned to expect nothing, and guess what?  Nothing is what they get. If they do ask for help, they get “What do you want from me? I work my tail off all day to provide for you, and I’m tired!  You’ve had all day to sit around doing nothing.  No, I’m not going to help you. Figure it out.”

Those women do—they figure it out.  And they go to bed feeling lonely, unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. Their husbands don’t understand that getting all lovey-dovey at that moment isn’t exactly appealing to their worn-out, disappointed wives.

As I write, I’m realizing that this mostly applies to an older generation in which the wives were mostly stay-at-home wives and mothers.  Their husbands must have often thought that their wives had a pretty cushy time of it.  Unfortunately, there are women who don’t do much but the absolutely necessary, if that.  Maybe it’s in retaliation for feeling disrespected because they aren’t making any financial contribution. I don’t know.

What I do know is that this is an age-old problem, and it takes the romance out of a marriage pretty quickly. At some point, maybe I’ll write something directed a wives who expect their husbands to do far more than is reasonable. There is, after all, another side to every story.