Pornography is not just a man’s issue, although many more men indulge in it than do women–so far, at least. There are many studies out there that indicate a strong upsurge in female patronage of porn.
I wonder why?
One study says many women believe porn can improve their marriages; they don’t see looking at porn as cheating; it’s relaxing. Some women say they enjoy watching it with their husbands.
Okay, I could go on, but it just makes me sick. I (and other women like me) am called “pornophobic” by these free-thinking women, mostly millenials, who think a dose of porn is just fine. Millenials, by the way, comprise those born between 1982 and 2002. They are smack in the middle of the post-modern culture, and are probably among those who have no particular problem with premarital sex, living together without benefit of marriage, having babies with a “significant other,” and just generally feel like sex is no big deal and all of us in my generation are just a bunch of prudes.
And I apologize to any of my readers who belong in this age group who do NOT fit that profile. I know you’re out there, and I pray for your generation because you have been robbed of a sense of cultural and biblical morality. The results of that theft are too many to count, and are probably food for another post, at another time.
I do NOT apologize for my biblical world-view. I am not embarrassed to say that I was a virgin on my wedding night, and so was my husband. We came to each other innocent and pure, knowing that we had never shared that experience with anyone else. It’s a good way to start a marriage.
So, back to the subject at hand. What about women who blame their husbands’ involvement in porn as part of the breakdown of their marriages? Are they just too puritanical and unrealistic? After all, if other women enjoy it and believe it helps their relationships, then it must not be so bad.
For many women, discovering that their husbands are indulging in porn is about the same as discovering an extra-marital affair. They see the pornography as “the other woman,” one against whom they feel helpless.
Many women see porn as a violation of marital trust. Viewing porn does not seem to fulfill the husband’s vow to love, honor, cherish, and keep himself for her only as long as they both live. It breaks the trust, and trust is very difficult to regrow.
To compound their lack of trust, many women feel awful about themselves because they cannot compete with the plastic images of beautiful young girls on the TV or computer screen. Stretch marks take on a whole new significance. Also, if the husband is addicted to porn, he has become dependent on the digital images for his arousal. The woman he married is no longer enough for him.
How does the use of porn affect the men who use it? Well, for one thing, they tend to lose the respect of their wives. There’s a realization out there today that men crave respect from their wives; however, when they indulge in something that hurts her so much, that respect goes away.
There are other effects of becoming involved with pornography that can devastate a marriage. Women who think it’s harmless, who say they enjoy watching it, leave me shaking my head in amazement. I don’t understand it. Sexual intimacy is at the core of the marital relationship. God intended it for one man, one woman, for life.
I don’t know how anyone can invite a whole cast of characters into their bedrooms and believe it will have no harmful effects. One man and one woman for life is not limited to actual fleshly partners. The people we see on screen are always in our memories. They don’t belong in our bedrooms.
Here is a blog that presents a very good, biblically sound teaching on the one man/one woman principle: