I’m feeling kind of
I’m discouraged and tired. Maybe it’s the typical reaction after being on such a high during the trip to Slovakia. Maybe I’m just old. There’s no real reason for it, so I thought maybe I could write my way out of it.
Well, actually, there is a reason. I’ve either developed a new disc herniation, or one of the other ones has gotten worse. I’m having the same kind of pain on my left side now. I did so well for the trip, I was feeling so good, and then WHAM! this pain started about four days ago. I waited to call my pain doctor, hoping the problem was only temporary, but I was kidding myself. So I have an appointment for an evaluation next Thursday, which I’m sure will lead to another MRI and another round of epidural shots. Sigh.
I’m trying to be thankful that treatment is available. Since I started with this condition, I’ve heard countless stories from other people about their own painful journey. For many of them, the shots didn’t work, or they worked only for a short period of time. All that’s left at that point is surgery, which scares me to death. I don’t like the idea of nerves being snipped.
I’m learning, though, that no matter how bad your own situation may be, someone else’s is much worse. It is interesting to me that people who live with chronic, debilitating pain don’t usually talk about it. Their attitudes toward the pain is, “It is what it is. I do the best I can. Other people have it much worse.”
If the person in pain is a believer, it is often true that she has learned to walk more closely with God because of her pain.;That is what I want to do. The only alternative is to grow bitter and whiney and miserable. No, thanks.
A few weeks ago, while I was at my physical therapy place, I saw a woman I know who is a chronic complainer. She is never happy about anything, never has anything good to say. I avoid her. When she appeared at therapy, I dodged around a corner before she could see me. I did NOT want to spend an hour listening to her sad story. Again.
I don’t want to BE her. You don’t have to be her. It isn’t necessary.
I often think about the Apostle Paul, wondering about his thorn in the flesh. Some believe it was something to do with his eyes. Others believe he may have been damaged as a result of the beatings he took. We don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter. What we do know is that he asked God repeatedly to take it away, whatever it was, and God did not heal him. Yet Paul was able to write “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” He knew how to be abased and how to abound. He knew he could do all things through Christ, Who gave him strength. He knew that no temptation or struggle can come to us that God cannot help us through, and make us able to bear it.
This is part of what grace is all about, I think. Last Sunday, we sang Wonderful Grace of Jesus in church. The words have stayed in my mind all week, and helped keep me from slipping into the pit of self-pity.
I think maybe I have written my way out of my schlump.