On Thursday, our son and his wife had settlement on their new house. They’ve been with us since mid-February, so when they actually move in to their new place, I think it’s going to feel a bit empty here for a while. Not that I’m unhappy about all this, you understand. They’ll be only 20 minutes or so from us.
They won’t need a therapist. After all, they have MEEEEeeeeeee 🙂
The next big thing is that their shipping container will be delivered to their new place on Monday, and once that’s unloaded, they can start setting up housekeeping for themselves.
Mike came home from work a couple of days ago, feeling extremely tired, and a little dizzy. He’s been sleeping a lot, feels better now.
Yesterday, I came home from teaching at our homeschool co-op feeling extremely tired and a little dizzy. I had trouble staying awake on the drive home, so I started singing at top volume just to stay alert! I slept for two hours once I got home, then slept nearly nine hours overnight. Feeling better today, so far. Glad I’m not the one moving and setting up housekeeping Lots of work.
It’s been over 28 years since we moved into this house. That’s the longest I’ve ever lived in one place. I dread the very idea of packing up 28 years’ worth of STUFF. Terry and I both talk about starting to sort through and discard what we no longer use, but so far we’ve done very little in that direction. Maybe we’ll make it a New Year’s resolution. Uhuh 🙂 Seriously, my main motivation is not wanting my kids to have to deal with all of it. There’s a lot we could take care of now to save them a huge headache later.
I know we’re not alone in this. Feel free to tell me what you have done or plan to do if you’re in the same situation we are. Maybe I’ll get motivated to actually get started.
Linda's Bible Study 
My husband and I live in a very small home.(700 square feet)….he purchased it in 1995. Fast forward to now, what was suppose to have been a starter house for us, has now seemingly become our nest egg. However, our 25 year old son still lives here. We truly need his bedroom for husband’s office, which is now primarily situated in our tiny den. We have been pinching pennies for so long, it’s all we know. Our son continues to splurge, all the while making almost as much money as his Dad does now. Oh, by the way, our house only has 1 closet. Over the years we’ve hung shelving, added shelves in several rooms…, as well as also in the laundry room. I tell people all the time my house is one walk in closet. Back to our son. We are really up in arms, because he has reached a point in his life where he has put wants above needs. As much as it is important he finds his own place…it’s apparent he cannot afford to move out. Of course, that is the hole he has dug..not us. So here we are living day to day in very tight quarters…hoping and praying he will find a way. I have prayed about it, and do every single day. Speaking of decluttering..I do this often. Today was one of those days. I’m looking at an ottoman in the den now that holds nothing but books. I’ve concluded if I haven’t read them by now..then they’ll be donated soon to the kidney foundation. Some of these books are at least 15 years old. It’s always been my dream to have a room (library) where I could place all of them in one area. There are more books stored elsewhere too. Time will tell. So unless money falls from the sky, we are stuck here. Maybe it was meant to be.
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Oh my. What a difficult situation.
As I read your comment, my “retired counselor” hat settled on my head. Are you ready?
You’ve been way kind and patient with your son. He’s taking advantage of you because he can. It’s time to give him a deadline. Either he pays you for room and board, or he has one month to find a place of his own. Set a consequence that you are willing and able to fulfill. For example, if he makes no effort to comply, then at the end of a month you will put ALL of his things out for garbage collection. I know, that seems harsh, but you guys need to give yourselves a break. He won’t give you that break unless you make it so uncomfortable for him to stay that he’ll WANT to go!
I hope you are not doing his laundry, cooking for him, cleaning his room, etc. He needs to understand that you are not meant to be his caregiver for life 🙂
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We were very thankful things worked out the way they did with my dad as he came to live with us. He could go home to his house everyday and begin the process of cleaning things up and as you know Linda since you knew him, he’d scrap. He had all the lawn mowers etc., he had gathered to fix someday. I would stop after work many times a week and spend a few hours with him working beside him disassembling them and putting the aluminum together on a pile and the iron on another pile and the brass in a bucket etc… this took months of work beginning at the back of his property emptying that shed then moving forward to the next shed closer to the house then the garage & the lean too… eventually those buildings were emptied. As we had a pike for his pickup I’d help load that pile on board and tell him take it and sell it and go for breakfast and do with that $ as you will….
Along with this I’d help him set up and run many yard sales to liquidate lots of work but it was satisfactory to him to be able to at least have part in this process… & it made it easier on him rather then for us to dictate to him & get a dumpster and pay to throw out the stuff… I wouldn’t like someone to do that to me so it was in my best interest & his to maintain our good relationship coming to a desired end, though it did take a lot of my time, but it was quality time with my dad. Once the outside buildings were done we started in the attic bringing things down and sorting, donating, and utilizing what we could & also sold some of those things at the yard sales. Once the attic was done we worked on the basement… leaving only the main floor with furniture and things he’d use while there during the day. Once we got to this point it also was easier for him to release his home to market & sell it. With the furniture, if there were things he didn’t want family would decide if they wanted the items if not we marketed them on Craigslist at that time & people actually paid us for the items & I looked at it as they paid us to move! 😁
Yes this process took something like 9 months to a year? to accomplish but for the person watching their life’s accomplishments liquidated, (my dad) it was much easier to do over a period of time rather than in a week being handled with no respect & resentment & disgust as it was tossed in the dumpster. A little compassion & putting ones self into the elderly’s shoes, is a good approach.
Once dad’s home was sold he still had some of his furniture, tools, etc… that moved he moved in with us but it was manageable & when he died, all that 65yrs of gathering had been liquidated a few years before & OH were we thankful we didn’t have to do it all after the fact while grieving, which could have turned into weeks of resentment had we not been proactive and accomplished it a few years before hand. The things he did leave behind were minimal & some of those things we still use… We have good memories and no regrets, for which I am thankful!
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This is, of course, the ideal way to get the job done. Convincing the Man of the House to get started on it is another story.
I spoke with a young friend of mine yesterday who is going to come help me clear out what I can of my own stuff, probably after Christmas. She loves doing this sort of thing, and having a pair of helping hands–along with good conversation–will make the job fun 🙂
You know, if you were up here, I’d have tapped you, too! And maybe Pete cold help Terry with some of the stuff in his lean-to behind the truck body behind the shed 🙂
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well we certainly can do that! feel free to give us a shout we are willing to help anything we are in the area… 😉
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I’m sure there would be tasks he could use help with. Whether or not he will agree to ASK for that help is another story :)_
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