Late Sunday Morning Coffee: Introspection

This is the fifth–and, I hope, the last– Sunday of my missing church. I have an appointment Thursday to get a steroid spinal injection that should ease, if not eliminate, the pain that has plagued me for over a month now. I’m tired. Really tired. Recovery from this one is going to take a while, I think.

BUT! I’ve been thinking all morning about how much I have for which to be thankful even during this past six to eight weeks of pain.

I am beyond thankful for Terry. No one could ask for a better caregiver. There’s nothing he won’t do for me. In spite of his own pain, he carries my work along with his own. He’s a godly man who spends hours, sometimes, reading his Bible. This is, I think, making up for the years of his life when he didn’t have much time to spend in daily Bible reading. Retirement does have some rewards.

I’m thankful for a church family and friends who have expressed their concern in prayer, cards, calls, meals, and just stopping by for a visit. I’m not someone who needs to have people around me ALL the time. I can be alone and be content. But knowing that people I’ve never even met are praying for me is just kind of–overwhelming, really. A Facebook friend in Ireland; many friends from a website I enjoy but may never meet in this life; these are gifts to me from God. I am thankful.

Even the doctors who take care of me have become friends, and that is truly something for which I am thankful. They listen to me. They hear me, take the time to understand, and never dismiss what I am saying. I know that I am just one of many in a very long line of people with back problems, but they always make me feel as if I’m the only one. Without them, I’m pretty sure I’d be immobile by now, living out my life in a wheel chair. I know that’s coming, sooner or later, but putting it off as long as possible is a goal. Keeping my pain level under a five on the pain scale is a goal.

I am thankful that, at least to my knowledge, none of the people who know me are dismissive of my pain. It’s one of those conditions in which you can’t see what I don’t choose to show you. You can see the limp, and you can see my lack of energy when it’s really bad. But there are no other outward signs, and for some people, that means there’s nothing really wrong. “Oh, right, a bad back. I bet that gets her out of a lot of things she doesn’t want to do.” For anyone who feels that way, I wish you could live with my back for just an hour. It would cure you of your cynicism.

I’m so very thankful for my adjustable bed. Along with my meds, it gives me hours of good sleep. I don’t wake up hurting, and that in itself is a gift. I’m thankful for the meds, especially the one I take before bedtime. It’s an extended release med, and helps give me the relaxing sleep I need.

I’m thankful for music, and books, and even a few channels on TV that I can trust for good, clean programs and movies. Lots of people make fun of Hallmark movies, and I understand that. However, in spite of the fact that they are formula stories, they provide a get-away for me that so far has never jarred me with cursing, or bedroom scenes, or horror. And they always end happily ever after, never giving me nightmares 🙂

I’m thankful for the time to do prep work on the women’s Bible study I teach in the fall and winter. Also, I’m doing prep for the homeschool class I’ll be teaching on doing a research paper. Time is one thing I have right now, and I am trying to make the best of it.

There is more, and God knows my heart. I admit that I’ll be thankful when this period of pain is in my past, but I also know there will be more in my future. Not worrying about that, just trying to enjoy the pain-free periods that come between the painful ones.

Mostly, my own prayers include asking the Lord to help me be thankful ALL the time; to make a deliberate choice to find that for which I can be thankful.

2 thoughts on “Late Sunday Morning Coffee: Introspection

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