I was doing so well. Got my staples out of the incision, was feeling really good. Then I went to a store with Terry, stayed on my feet for maybe half an hour, walked a little, stood still a little. Knew I needed to get back to the car. Little pinchy twinges in the right lumbar.
“NO!” says I to myself. ‘I’ll be fine once we get home and I can stretch out on my bed. This is just a temporary setback.” But I knew. Really, deep inside, I knew.
My right-side lumbar pain is back. Not the one the surgery targeted. That seems fine. The one that started this whole mess two years ago, that’s what is rearing its ugly head.
So I’m back to resting, not sitting much, using the bed Terry set up in the living room. And maybe I can get ahead of it. If I have to, I’ll start taking my pain meds again.
What did I do to cause this? Probably nothing. I’m always careful these days. I took my cane with me, even though I don’t use it at home any more. It just happened.
So, how can I make a spiritual application here? Always, it’s good to look for that. It helps me to understand that God knows all about it, and I don’t have to try to figure out.
First, it’s yet another opportunity to trust Him. He knows I’m supposed to go back to work in just a little over a week. He knows what I can tolerate as far as sitting is concerned, and He will make a way for me to be able to deal with my situation. In my head, I know this is true. My emotions, however, are less stable and will take more convincing. That’s one reason why we need to follow what we know to be true, not how we feel. Feelings change from moment to moment. God’s truth is always the same.
Second, it’s an opportunity to give Him my fear. I don’t like pain. I don’t like knowing that I will be dealing with pain, at some level, for the rest of my life. I have a condition, not an illness that will eventually be healed. Conditions like mine don’t disappear. The pain can be treated and eased, but the underlying problem will not disappear. I have to give that to the Lord on a regular basis. Give Him my fear, and grab the promise, again, that He will be with me through the valley of the shadow of death. I’m not being melodramatic here. I’m just looking to the future. If I don’t learn to trust Him now, through the small stuff, then I won’t trust Him later.
Faith, I’m learning, is a step-by-step journey. One step, one hour, one day at a time.