People pleasers don’t set boundaries; or, if they set them, they fail to protect and maintain them.
What is a boundary? Here’s a simple example that most Americans will u nderstand. Here in the USA, we have an unspoken, undefined personal space boundary. We don’t like it if people get too close when they’re not invited to do so. Walking right up into someone’s face is seen as aggressive and possibly dangerous; or it is seen as an inappropriate attempt at uninvited intimacy. We like to keep others at arm’s length. We are intensely uncomfortable if we get squeezed into a bus seat or an airplane seat next to someone we’ve never met, and we avoid eye contact until or unless we feel safe with the situation. If we can’t keep the physical distance we’re comfortable with, then we create it some other way. We use a phone, a tablet, a book, or even the pretense of falling asleep to avoid unwanted contact or conversation.We’re not unfriendly. We just want to control our own personal space.
That’s a boundary.
I came across this piece on a Pinterest board this morning, and I thought it was worth sharing. I’m not going to write any more today. It speaks for itself. Maybe I’ll use it again next week as a jumping-off place. We’ll see.