Final Post on Forgiveness

Well, nothing is final, really.  But for now, this will be the last in this series.

Forgiveness is a layered, complicated subject because it is so closely enmeshed with our beliefs from childhood, with what we saw modeled (or not) as we were growing up. Some people apologize very easily and receive forgiveness with grace.  Others of us find it difficult to acknowledge when we have been complete jerks, and difficult to either accept or offer complete forgiveness.  There is so much pride interwoven into the whole process.

Someone asked about what to do when you don’t really want to confront the offender, or if you feel certain that person will not respond well. It seems I may have already addressed this, but maybe not.

Luke 17:3-4 does teach us to “rebuke” the offender, and I believe that when we can, we should.  Sometimes the person has died, and it is no longer possible to confront him to his face. That is when the forgiveness is between you and God, and that settles it. When you are afraid, or reluctant, to face  your offender because you are sure he won’t care, there is still the necessity to do so, and if he surprises you and repents, then forgiveness is given.

But what if he doesn’t?  Well, we spent a lot of time on this one, and I even got a good discussion going on my Facebook page. There is also a very good article here that I think answers that question very well. For me, the bottom line here is being right with God.  Holding offence in your heart, refusing to forgive when the offender has not repented, is like the old analogy of drinking poison in hopes that the other person will be harmed by your doing so.  Not much sense in that.

If you have further questions or comments, I will be glad to address them as such. Just please keep in mind that I will not publish comments that are abusive, divisive, unkind, or that use foul language. I try to keep things civil here on my blog.

Thank you for the input you have given on this topic. I love your participation.

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4 thoughts on “Final Post on Forgiveness

  1. Frank

    Not forgiving someone for a wrong done to you, or holding a grudge toward them; is like you yourself “drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. My favorite quote. If we are forgiven by our Father, we must forgive those who trespass against us. I have always attempted to confront the matters that arose quickly and put them behind me. True forgiveness is OVER, and should not be brought up again once dealt with. If it is it is NOT true forgiveness.

  2. Linda, I’m wondering if an exception to confronting someone may be if they show strong signs of being a full-blown narcissist. It could turn out to be another opportunity for the narc to turn, yet, another statement around and use it against the victim of their abuse. Narcissists lie to cover themselves at all costs. They even pretend they don’t remember certain conversations/situations.

    I suggest that some people need to be distanced from. They’re sick. It’s our job to forgive and pray for them. And not our job to remain in victim mode.

    What are your thoughts when past humble confrontation has only led to denial on the perpetrators side?

    Blessings ~ Wendy ❀

    1. Wendy, I agree that there are times when there is just no point. Nowhere in scripture are we required to remain victims of dysfunctional people. Narcissism is closely tied to sociopathy. There are some people who are just beyond reason. That is when we need to make sure our relationship with God is right, and let Him take care of the rest.

      Thanks for your comment/question. Good one!

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