People who are plagued with fear of abandonment, or who have experienced it, find that it controls their thinking. It is always at the forefront of their minds, even as they are in the process of developing a new relationship. Because they can be obessessed with the fear of being abandoned again, it becomes almost certain that they will cling to a new relationship so tightly that the other person feels smothered. Escape from such a cloying relationship becomes the goal, and the abandoned person is abandoned again. The cycle continues, with every repetition of the cycle convincing the person more deeply that he is unloved, unloveable, unworthy, and guilty.
The next thought pattern is to wonder why God has abandoned me, if indeed there is a God. When we can’t figure out any logical reason for our pain, it is in our nature to blame God, to deny His existence, to believe that He is a Being Who sits in heaven with a scorecard in His hand, keeping track of our bad behavior and punishing us in a variety of awful ways.
So the first thing I want to address, by way of help for those who deal with abandonment, is how they think about God. It is always our thinking that, when we change the wrong and replace it with the right, will help us dig out of our despair.
First, we need to understand that God’s nature makes it impossible for Him to behave contrary to what He has said. It is one thing to believe in God; it is quite another to believe God. If we believe God, then we can appropriate His words into our lives in such a way that our lives will be changed.
What has God said? “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the earth” (Matthew 28:20).
Here is a website that gives a list of ten biblical proofs that God will not abandon us:
Jeremiah 29:11 is a wonderful promise.
Do you struggle with fear, doubt, and discouragement because you were abandoned? Do you have a sense of emptiness that you just can’t fill? I want to challenge you this week to dwell on the scriptures I’ve given you here. Pray, asking God to help your unbelief; asking Him to help you understand Who He is. Don’t focus on the people who have hurt you. Focus on the God Whose plans for you are to prosper you, not to harm you; to give you a hope and a future.
And come back here next week for more help.